It's All In My Head.

Another bad week. These weeks are becoming more frequent, I’m worried what will happen if this continues.  I’m really trying to keep active but it’s getting harder and harder. It seems like most of my day is spent hiding from the sun and I’m not sure where the rest of my day goes. I’m really trying to move past this laziness but nothing seems to be working. It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to leave my house. 

I can’t seem to stay motivated. I do this thing on the days I don’t workout where I stand in front of the mirror and I start to criticize myself. I can see the rolls on my back slowly getting bigger and watching my butt sag down to the floor. It’s like the mirror is trying to tell me something, but not that I’m the fairest of them all, you know? More like “get your ass up and do some squats.” I know all of my progress won’t go away just because I skipped my workout. I know that’s not how it works. What I didn’t understand was how getting into shape affects you mentally. In my opinion my mind is doing all of the sabotage. I know my body is fully capable of working out daily, it’s my mind that keeps me from getting up and doing squats. Does anyone else feel like that? Or am I just crazy? That’s what’s keeping me distracted and because I’m not focused, nothing gets done. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I thought it was the actual working out part that would be the hardest: the squats and push ups. but that’s the easy part. Exercising only lasts for about an hour. This mind thing has me all messed up, and it’s constant. I go back and forth with myself. “Yes! Its working, keep doing it.” And then the next minute I’m telling my husband I’m disgusted with how my body looks.

Oh and clothes are my enemy. I can’t seem to find clothes that fit me right, so that adds to my negativity. One of the reasons I wanted to post my fitness journey on my blog was to keep myself on track. I was hoping I’d feel bad if I were to give up. It’s not working. Is this the 3 month blues or something? I’m not even sure if that’s a term in the fitness world. Is there a name for what I’m going through? Also, I feel like my body has stopped responding to my workouts. I haven’t seen much of an improvement in my butt or my tummy. That’s the saddest part about this, I’m more focused on toning my body than I am about losing weight and I can’t even do that. Maybe it’s because my body is use to my routine? I might need to switch it up here and there just so I’m still getting sore. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve felt like my workouts are doing anything for my muscles. That might be the next step, it could be just I’ve worked out all the muscles that squats target. What if it’s my form? Or maybe I’m not doing enough. What if I added some weights? That might give me better results. All of these “what if’s” and I don’t know where to start. Ugh.

I really want my fitness posts to be inspiring instead of sounding like there’s no hope, because there is obviously. I need to remember why I’m doing this and what I can do to improve my attitude towards working out. I’m going to start next week with a positive attitude. Looking forward to the week with an open mind and try to let go of all the negativity. I want my fitness journey to be a positive experience. My goal for this week is to workout three times.  No complaining, no excuses.  Even if it’s just a walk with my munchkin. So, I’m going to forget this week, plan out next week and hope it turns out better than I expected. That’s all I can do.

Love, Mama.