I’m celebrating my second Mother’s Day and I couldn’t be happier. For a long time Mother’s Day was difficult for me to deal with. I forced myself to put a smile on for my mom and my sister because I didn’t want to ruin their day. It reminded me of what I was missing out on. The celebration of mothers that I couldn’t be apart of because I wasn’t a mother. I was alone, I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about it because no one around me knew what I was going through. I always felt like a failure because I never got pregnant, like something I did was the cause of not conceiving. Month after month, year after year and still no baby. It broke my heart. I almost lost hope that someday I would be a mother.
Then one day all of my pain was taken away, the moment we saw the heartbeat in the exam room. There was a little being that was growing in my tummy. Instantly, I was my cured. She cured my sadness. The only one that could mend my broken heart. I know everyone says this, but she has brought so much happiness to my life. She is my someday, and I am her forever. All I want to do is protect and love her til the day I die. I remember when I was pregnant I would drive to this 3D ultrasound place in Ontario every other week just so I could see her. I would’ve gone everyday but my husband told me no. I was scared to death that she wasn’t real. And every time I’d go, there she was. Her little hands by her face growing in my belly. I’d sit in my car after and I would tell her how much I loved her and how I couldn’t wait to have her in my arms. Almost two years in and I still have to ask my husband if he can believe we have a baby. And he points to her with annoyance on his face and says “yes, I can love”. I ask him this once a week so you can understand how this could be annoying. It’s only because I only had dreams of being a mother, that was my hope after 6 years of trying, you know? So to see a little munchkin in our bed every night is still surprising to me.
I have found that being a mother is messy, it’s exhausting, it’s a learning process, but most of all, it’s beautiful. To have this unbreakable bond with another human being on this earth is so special. I love you Emerald, Thank you for making me a mother and teaching me what love really means.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful and hard working mothers. Motherhood is never easy but I know we can all agree that it’s worth it.