Dilemma; Breastmilk or Formula

My posts from now on will be mostly about getting ready for this little girl. So be prepared for an overload of pregnancy posts these next few months. To start if off, let’s talk about breastfeeding. I’ve been flirting with the idea of using formula and skipping out on breastfeeding this time. Here’s why; I breastfed Emerald for 11 months.  The only reason I stopped before she turned a year was because she was cutting me every time I would nurse her.  By this time, she had little teeth and for some reason she was grinding them on my nipples causing cuts around the nipple that never healed since she wanted to nurse throughout the day. It was painful. I couldn’t handle the burning sensation I would get every time I nursed. It felt like lemon juice on a paper cut or that feeling you get right after a cat scratches you, but the pain lasts longer than a few seconds. Thinking about that pain makes me cringe. As I look at my nipples now I see scarring. So I’m fearful that if I nurse this baby, my nipples might just fall off.  Not really, but I’m worried about having some complications if I were to nurse this baby and like getting an infection because of open cuts and then having my nipples fall off. You know? Til this day my nipples are a little sensitive.  So what happens when this one comes, and she’s just as aggressive or more on my nipples? Which is why I’m leaning more towards formula. 


On the other side, I’ve also had my experience with formula. I don’t care for it. The smell is awful, it’s expensive, and it’s inconvenient in that you have to use the bottle within an hour.  If the baby doesn’t finish the bottle or isn’t hungry for whatever reason, you have to throw it away, which is frustrating.  The stuff isn’t cheap, so every time you throw away some, even an ounce, it adds up.  Almost as if you’re throwing away precious jewels down the drain. Let’s not forget the mess you make with each bottle you prepare. If you haven’t had experience with formula then you might not know that it is a fine powdery substance. So with every scoop, that stuff goes flying everywhere. It’s annoying to say the least. Another negative to using formula is the added weight to your diaper bag. You have to have purified water and the formula with you at all times since you can’t prepare the bottle before hand. It’s not as convenient as popping your boob out with fresh warm milk.

Still, I can’t get the image of my nipples falling off out of my head. The only thing that is pushing me to nurse is the bond we will share during her feedings. I loved nursing Emerald. It was relaxing, and she was peaceful and observant. Looking up at me every time with her big beautiful eyes, it was as if she knew she was safe. I feel as though that played a very important part with how close we are, and I would hate to miss out on that same bond with this baby. It’s not as if I don’t have options. Right? I can always pump while we are at home and nurse when we’re out. Or is it the other way around?  I chose to nurse Emerald strictly from breast since it was easier and to me safer. I didn’t have to worry about sanitation with the bottles which worries me. Not to say I have poor hygiene but something about having the baby bottles near  the sink where we handle raw food doesn’t sit too well with me. And I know my husband isn’t the most careful about stuff like that. 

Look at the way she is latched onto my. Yikes!

Look at the way she is latched onto my. Yikes!

As I’m typing the pros and cons for each, I’ve realized that breastfeeding is the way to go for me. I can’t miss out on that bonding time with my little girl, and it’s unfair to her not to experience that with me as well. Even if it’s for 6 months, or however long I’ll nurse her, at least she’ll get the same opportunity Emerald did. 

I want to make it perfectly clear that feeding your baby formula isn’t wrong and I’m not in anyway shaming anyone for choosing formula. This is my opinion and my experience. There are so many reasons why a mother would choose formula over breastmilk and it’s no one’s business but your own. You do what you feel is right for both you and baby, and only you can determine what that is. And honestly, the one thing that kept me going at first was the fact that I was too lazy to make Emerald bottles. I was so tired that sitting in bed with her was easier for me. If making a bottle didn’t require me to get out of bed at 3 a.m., then Emerald would’ve had formula. Let’s just hope my nipples don’t fall off. 

Love, Mama.