The dreaded two week wait is upon us! My emotions are all over the place. I’m happy and excited for what’s to come. Then I remind myself that there’s a possibility it didn’t work and I’m back to reality. It’s torture for my body, my well-being, for my husband’s body and his well-being. I know it can’t be easy for him to deal with me at this point, who could really? I’m trying to keep my emotions and my mood swings under control this time. So I try to distract myself from thinking about it. I clean, write, play with the baby, clean some more. It only helps for so long then I catch myself thinking about how I could be pregnant and I start to imagine my baby shower. I think of names if it’s a girl or boy. How we’re going to announce the gender this time. It wasn’t that fun the first time I found out I was pregnant, the infertility treatments kind of killed that for us. I couldn’t stand the two week wait so I started testing 4 days after our I.U.I, and almost everyday until it was time for me to actually test. So for my family and my husband’s it wasn’t a surprise. Revealing the gender is the most important part in my opinion. Finding out if you’re having a boy or girl is so exciting. This time I want to do it big. I’ve been seeing a lot of couples reveal the gender with smoke bombs or something, I love that idea! But I’m not sure if we should have a party or just take our pictures and send them out like that. I’ve seen some really cute parties too.
See how excited I can get? But I have to be realistic. I can’t think like that because if it turns out that I’m not pregnant I will be devastated, even though I knew that was a possibility. It’s a fine line between being positive and being overly confident. I’m trying not to stress about it. I started my Endometrin on Monday, July 9th. This helps with implantation. Its messy and uncomfortable. So that’s been fun. I’m allowed to test on July 22nd and if I’m pregnant then I’ll call my clinic so they can schedule labs, to confirm that I’m indeed pregnant. If I’m not then I’ll have to wait until my next cycle to setup another I.U.I. Crossing my fingers my cycle won’t come for the next 10 months. It’s definitely harder with a toddler. Somedays I want to sleep and just let the day pass but I can’t with Emerald. Her tantrums are difficult to handle because I’m tired and irritable. I feel like I’m not giving her what she needs because emotionally and physically I’m drained. Our play times aren’t as fun because I have a lot on my mind, I can’t focus on being a princess with her right now. So that’s been tough for both of us. I can tell it’s affecting her, she’e been very clingy, always wants to be in my arms, and throws tantrums when I leave her. That adds to my stress.
I still haven’t decided if I should test early or try to see if I can wait. I only have 11 more days. Oh, who am I kidding I can’t wait. The 11 days feels like 11 years. So I’m going to test tomorrow just to keep myself sane and so my family can tolerate me a little more. I know my doctor wants me to wait for a couple of reasons; One so I don’t get a false positive with the HCG which is the hormone that triggers your body to release a follicle. I should’ve tested the day after the trigger shot to see if it did give me a positive but I didn’t have a test on hand. The second reason is so I don’t get a false negative. If I see a negative they want me to immediately stop Endometrin, so if the HPT says negative I might stop the Endometrin before I actually get a positive HPT. Endometrin is crucial for the follicle to survive. So it’s very important to go the full two weeks before anything happens. I’m not going to make any decisions based on any of these results, it’s an easy fix to the anxiety. I have noticed I do a lot better when my husband is home, so two days out of the week I’m ok. Which explains why I’m testing all week.
I have to keep thinking that everything will be ok, even if I’m not pregnant. I start to tell myself if I’m not pregnant this time, it’s ok. There’s a reason why it didn’t happen and next time might be better. Hopefully next week flies by so I can finally be at peace with whatever the outcome is.